So far, my morning pages are home to lots of petty, useless complaining. What a reality check: you mean I carry that shit around with me all the time?
Wanna hear some of my negative core beliefs?
I don’t have good enough ideas.
I will do bad work and not know it and look like a fool.
I will never have any real money.
I need money to be an artist.
I can’t write fiction.
I’d need a gimmick to sell a book or a CD.
I'd never be able to sell an honest representation of myself because while family and friends say I'm good, I'm basically a watered-down version of ___. (Insert name of someone who has already made it.)
I can’t ask for help because no one wants to help me and I don’t want to hear “No”.
S/he can write/sing better than me and there’s no place for me out there.
There is a limit to what I can create in both quantity and quality.
I'm not cool enough to have a successful book/recording/blog.
I'm not original/unique enough to attract an audience.
Successful artists live in New York or LA or Taos.
~
I had a revelation yesterday while reading from Week One. In past trials of AW, I have really resisted the blurts and affirmations part. It just seems so hokey and new agey. (Bear with me here, I know I'm being a cynical asshole. I hope no one minds that I swear a lot.) My blurts are usually some version of Who do you think you are?, born out of the negative beliefs above. In theory, I know affirmations work. But when I try one on - I, Teri, am a fabulously original writer - the same thought always follows: But I don't know that to be true! How can I speak something FALSE into existence?
And then came my epiphany: So why do I take the negative core beliefs, the blurts, as gospel? My blurts are not the truth, but I have no trouble repeating them over and over to myself. I don't necessarily know that I can't write fiction or that there's no room for me in the world of successful creatives because I'm not special, but somehow I choose that thinking over a positive, self-affirming inner soundtrack.
Fascinating, Captain.
There are an infinite number of great ideas available to me.
There are enough ideas in the universe for everyone.
I, Teri, am a fabulously original writer.
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7 comments:
That is really a great revelation. I too, have been having trouble getting past the feeling of affirmations as sounding hokey and false. This is a great inspiration. Thanks!
Amy ( http://www.9moonsago )
GREAT WORK! way to do the work as prescribed, just to try it, just to see, and then share your progress so we can all benefit, too. it's good to have voices other than julia cameron's 'splaining how this goes.
heart heart heart
teri, that is truly awesome. i have to say, i felt the exact same way when writing affirmations...it just felt wrong. but the negative stuff was so easy to say! so yeah, bring on the affirmations!! :-)
your revelation totally hit home with me. i still find myself reversing my positive affirmations with new blurts...and i forget that my mofo of a censor is not the boss of me! thanks for reminding me :)
Very very very well said! I'm going through the same thing. Negative self-talk everywhere and the thought of affirmations makes me want to barf. All the while I do negative-firmations all day long. Damn! I'm fixing that, starting now.
I, too, am completely resisting the affirmations/blurts, etc. I think it's because I've been feeling so positive lately, it's hard to think negatively when you feel so good! This morning I woke up feeling dejected as I haven't done much more than morning pages and cruising by other AW blogs - and the blurts were there, absolutely! I love your thoughts on this and am going to explore it for myself today!
Oh, yeah... I get what you're saying... especially about the affirmations. A long time ago, though I read Shad Helmstedder's book (What to say when you're talking to yourself) and realized that the point is NOT to over-reach so much that you argue with yourself and to state in the present:
i.e. Only I can write like me. I am growing more fabulous every day.
Then I don't have a rebound.
Giving advice, and SOMETIMES actually living by it!!
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