Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Prodigal Daughter

with giraffeOriginally uploaded by tessa's mom.
A great song by Michelle Shocked, but also a pretty accurate label for moi when it comes to the Artist's Way.

I havn't done mps for (gears grinding...grinding...) almost two weeks and I didn't have an artist date last week at all. Unless you count going to my favorite bakery and sitting in a beautiful window seat with coffee and biscotti. But you really can't count that because it was just one in a series of mini-binges I had that day trying to numb out thoughts that should have been cleared in the morning pages. I haven't even read this week's chapter. And how lame, after I declared myself the Possibility of Self-Discipline last week! Duh!

What the hell is going on with me?
February apathy.
Teething baby.
Unconfronted demons.
Not enough sleep.

I have also been freaking out over money. Lack of it, specifically. Thanks, Sam, for bringing this to my attention, from Finslippy:
"Please don’t tell me I should write a book to make money. Or rather: tell me to write a book, and thank you for having faith in my abilities, really, but understand that such an undertaking takes years, years of nonpaid work, and also no one should write a book for the money. It just doesn’t work that way."

I have been working on some creative projects, however. I have the first meeting with my vocal ensemble on Thursday; I designed a business card (that I'm actually very proud of!) for a business that I'm creating with a friend; I have been playing in Photoshop and writing poetry. (Ha!)

And, this weekend is a big deal because I am going on a date all for me! All by myself, no baby! (Yikes!) It is a three-hour workshop at a local yoga studio with Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat Pray Love. She will be reading from the book and talking about her experiences and there will be writing and sharing of writing and the whole thing is right up my alley. The book looks so incredibly juicy. It will be the first time I've been away from my bebe for that long. Leaving her is like waving goodbye to a vital organ, then scurrying back ASAP so I don't have a systems meltdown. I know it must sound ridiculous to people who don't have kids, and even to some who do, but it's just now that I feel okay about it. She's 7 months old. I feel pretty broken down from extreme mothering, so I know Saturday's date with myself is just what the doctor ordered.

Maybe I'll take a look at Week Six. Hope you will all still love me despite my blatant non-participation.



eliza said...

you're still participating, how you can. and i'm glad you're still here, still sharing. but i will still love you no matter what you do or don't do. (i tried to stop once, but it was hopeless!)

eliza said...

ps - the yoga/author date sounds most excellent. also, did i use the word "still" FOUR times in that comment? oy.

Kat said...

yep, still love you whole-heartedly.

i think you're doing wonderful work, none of us do it perfectly m'dear.

your ad sounds perfectly wonderful!! i can only imagine how hard it is to separate from your child, but i hope this time apart is nourishing for you.


Laura said...

No worries, thinking about it and doing what you can is still doing what you can. Though there is a certain irony since week 6 is also about money.

samantha said...

Of course you are still loved! I am flailing at this whole thing as well but that's what community is for, non? Glad I could lead you to the lovely Finslippy - and you're not alone in your money woes, believe me. Hoping things will be better for you next week!