gift

I made this for my sis for her 30th birthday. I draped it in disclaimers, about how it was craft and not art, that it was amateur and I really need to get a straightedge, that I wouldn't be offended if she didn't hang it.

She loved it. She said it was her favorite present she'd ever received. I told her if she was just trying to make me feel better, I was sufficiently duped.

music meme

So what you do is put your iPod or music player on shuffle and answer the questions below with the songs in the order that they are played.

(Thanks Daru!)

How does the world see me?
Grievous Angel - Gram Parsons/Emmylou Harris

Will I have a happy life?
Thinking Amelia - Deb Talan

What do my friends really think of me?
Beautiful Freak - The Eels

Do people secretly lust after me?
Hello, It's Me - Todd Rundgren

How can I make myself happy?
If I Could Only Win Your Love - Emmylou Harris

What should I do with my life?
Jolene - Dolly Parton

Will I ever have children?
When I Was Drinking - HEM

What is some good advice for me?
Big Strong Girl - Deb Talan

How will I be remembered?
When You Looked at Me - Jenifer Jackson

What is my signature dance song?
Good Life - Richard Julian

What do I think my current theme song is?
Dreadful Selfish Crime - Robert Earl Keen

What song will play at my funeral?
Salva Nos - Medieval Babes

What type of men do I like?
A Laura Viers song that I don't know the name of, but I call it "Cheshire Grin"

What is my day going to be like?
Wayside/Back in Time - Gillian Welch

and we have a name!

my favorite mug
Originally uploaded by tessa's mom.

Birth of Venus is the name we came up with for our group. It has all the associations I wanted: feminine power, divinity, love, beauty, creation. Yay! And this name will work for us whether we're playing a jazz club or a wedding or whatever venue comes along. At rehearsal Thursday night we learned an old song called Sentimental Gentleman from Georgia. Think Andrews Sisters. Alex fronts a small jazz ensemble and we are all going to perform it at her upcoming gig. A WEEK FROM MONDAY. I'm not too nervous about the performance as much as the fact that I have nothing to wear. I need a serious ambush makeover.

rather productive week

Today we had rehearsal #2, we singing girls. We are trying to come up with a name for ourselves, as my ensemble-mates are quite enthusiastic about taking our act on the road and we can't really call ourselves Singing Girls. It was a good rehearsal. I recorded it, which was GREAT because now we can hear what we sound like. You can't really hear what you sound like while singing. Not completely. I listened to the CD all the way home and liked what I heard, in general. nothing that can't be fixed with practice, practice, practice by ourselves and then intense rehearsal together. (Sounds fun, right? It is!) Some things I was hearing I positively swooned over, and at the other end of the spectrum, my classical voice sounds like a rusty old tin can. We are working on a Monteverdi madrigal, plus a gospel song (Note to Self: practice singing and clapping at the same time. A lot.), a sweet love song by Gillian Welch and Because by the Beatles. The girls want to sing somewhere publically in April. Yikes! (That's a happy yikes. Be careful what you wish for!)

I actually got up (okay, it was accidentally) at 7am and went for a run this morning. It's so much easier to go on my own, although I have run pushing T in the stroller and it's totally do-able. It was sunny and cold this morning; really beautiful. I got a few cheers from neighborhood buddies who probably thought they needed new glasses to see the likes of me jogging around the corner! It felt good. :)

And the real highlight of the week: yesterday I submitted a piece of writing to an online magazine. I am trying to let go of any attachment to the outcome, but of course I am fantasizing about being published and what a rush that would be. I have to take to heart everything I'm sayng about how it is not necessary that I be published to be good, that my piece might be spectacular but not what they're looking for, that it might come in a close second to another piece that's completely brilliant and that's okay. Or the editor might say, uh, this is crap. And thats okay too because I'm not crap. I am just proud of myself for doing it. I added about 300 words to something I had previously written, and spent a few hours getting it just so. I had a wicked knot in my stomach as I was typing out the email, including my bio, which is so tiny you might miss it if you blink. Then I sent it. It was a high just to send it, to be perfectly honest. It's all good. I'll do it again, whatever happens here.

Tomorrow hubbie has a pretty major gig - his band is opening up for the one and only Ralph Stanley. This week has been the closest in a long time, if not ever, to what I want my life to look like. It's been a good week.

wings spreading

We had our first rehearsal Thursday night, this little threesome that has resulted from my call for singers. The two woman who have stuck it out through weeks of email coordination and informational meet-and-greets are pretty much exactly what I was looking for and more. I'm still shaking my head at the good fortune. We had prepared a few songs for rehearsal and blew through them, so we learned a few more on spot. We were all reeling over the sounds we were making. Yay chemistry! Lots of possibilities here. I'm so grateful to feel excited about singing again!

hello? (tap tap) is this thing on?

Remember me?

Never in my blogging history have I gone more than two weeks (eeek) without posting! I have been avoiding Saint Teresa. It's just that I have completely fallen off the Artist's Way wagon and I'm just not inspired to come back. I have to be honest with myself. I have to stop making myself wrong for it. I still read lots of BTAW blogs, still get totally excited at others' progress, discoveries, lists, etc., still marvel at others' discipline, stamina, attention. I just don't feel called to come back to the program. I'm here to officially tell you (really, to tell myself) that IT'S OKAY.

What's not okay, though, is the little creative rut I've fallen into. (Coincidence, ladies and gentlemen?!) You know what I want? What I really, really want? I want to WANT to write. I want to WANT to create. Instead of regarding creativity as a homework assignment, which I avoid and then feel guilty about and deem myself a FAILURE because of, I want to feel a natural inclination to write or sing or create because it's on that list of things that feels good and because it is one of the main ingredients in The Life I Want.

Why do I watch TV at night instead of reading a book? Why do I eat things that I detest? (Like Eggo Waffles. FD&C colors in a waffle, people! Terrible!) Why do I remain silent when I have something potentially controversial to say to my sweetie? Why do I keep avoiding calling the mortgage lady? Why, after saying a million times that the only thing keeping me from running was finding a running bra that fits, am I not running in the great running bra my sister gave me for Valentines Day? What is the payoff of staying stuck in all these ways?

I know, I know. I could (and should) explore these questions in the morning pages. Damnit, there's that should. Shoulds just do not motivate me.

What does motivate me? My crying baby. She calls. I'll ponder all this while I nurse.