better than a sharp stick in the eye

We went into the studio Wednesday night and emerged with five songs from which to choose for our demo.

Generally, I DREAD the recording process. I hate the pressure of having to be perfect. I hate hearing precisely where and how much and how often I sing entirely wrong notes. I guess playing any instrument is equal parts physical and mental, and probably emotional too. I've always found my voice to be a rather unpredictable instrument. No matter how much I practice, I can't always depend 100% on what will come out of my mouth. Sometimes that's bad, sometimes good. I love hearing what I/we sound like, though, and it's handy to have a demo.

We did between 2-4 takes of each one; it wasn't too incredibly painful. God, the recording process is SO much easier with an experienced sound person. And laid back doesn't hurt either. I am ridiculously lucky to have access to this situation. What's more, Bob (friend and recording engineer extraordinaire) offered to do this for us; I didn't even have to beg. It took us less than three hours to record the songs, and then there were several hours of listening and commenting and mixing and cleaning up.

In general, the songs sound great. Our voices blend very well and there is so much potential there considering we've only be singing together for a few months. There is at least one mishap in each song, but the question is: does it matter? Onward.

We're going to post a few on MySpace soon. Stay tuned!

li'l roadie

Tessa, 4/8/06

I just love this photo. It was taken a month ago at our friends' very cool art gallery. I opened up for Steve's band. It was a fun, low-pressure gig.

fermata

Rehearsal wasn't incredibly productive today, but we did a fair amount of strategizing. There are a couple of open mic nights that we might try to do, and Alex and Mary both have upcoming shows in which we could appear as guests.

The most exciting news is that we have some studio time set up for next week. The plan is to record a 4-song demo and use that to get gigs. Hooray!

Also, while we're waiting for Mary to construct our website, she is going to set up a Birth of Venus page on MySpace. We recorded a song that doesn't sound too bad, so we can put that up there along with our photo likeness and voila. We're out there. [UPDATE: Here it is!!]

I'm really itching to work out some new stuff, and also to write something. We'll focus on the old stuff for next week's recording and then I've got to get a few charts written out so we'll have fresh material.

making love to the camera

Last night we had a little (translate: long, laborious, amateur) photo shoot in the hopes of getting an image or two for a Birth of Venus website.
Now. I hate being photographed. This is probably evident. It is a deep-seated phobia. It's not even that I think I'm bad-looking, but when a camera is pointed at me I just become someone else. Not myself. Completely unnatural.

These are some of the better shots. Although I don't think I could possibly feel more vulnerable and self-conscious about the whole thing, I would like your opinion. Which of these shots do you like? Or not?


Go here to view the whole set. Comments welcome!
(In case you're wondering, I'm the bighead with the glasses...)

could I be more absent?

Yes, I'm still alive. (If anyone is still checking in here...)

Haven't written anything whole and/or complete in awhile. Tessa has been quite the nightowl lately so I've been feeling sluggish and grumpy. There are moms out there who have overcome, so I know there's a way, but I just get so mired in childcare and housework that I can't get anything fun or creative accomplished. Sigh...

Birth of Venus skipped a week of rehearsal because we were all (!) sick. I was worried that we'd lose momentum and everyone would be like ah ferget it, but no...we met last week like long lost friends. Alex said "My quality of life was seriously lower last week because we didn't meet." Aww! Love those gals.

I've been making Spring greeting cards. Behold:

state of affairs

Monday night I had my gig with Birth of Venus. It went pretty well, considering the (small) amount of time we spent on Sentimental Gentleman. We got together earlier in the day to go over it with the band and I wasn't feeling solid about it, but it all came together rather nicely in performance. I had trouble finding a good place in the mix and wasn't as strong as I wanted to be, but I chalked it up to a combo of technical difficulties and performance anxiety. Historically, I struggle with both. I need to find some kind of guru for that.

Tonight I am playing a one-hour set at an art gallery. The gallery will be filled with friends and others who appreciate folk music, which is what I do, so theoretically it will be a safe place to practice not being nervous. I am trying to fill my mind with the positive, glowing things people say about me and my songs, instead of the scathing, critical loop I typically have playing in my head when I'm onstage. We'll see how that goes.

In other news, I mentioned a while back that I submitted an article to an online magazine. This month's edition of said mag is online and evidently my piece was not chosen for publication. Yay! My first official rejection! Truly glad that's out of the way. The piece that was chosen is totally stunning and far superior to mine. I am left to ponder: how can I develop my style? what can I write about that will reveal my particular strengths? is it even topic-related? Good writers can write about anything. I find myself in this discouraging position of learning about good writing through a process of elimination. ("Well, that wasn't good enough...") I'm excited to get on to the next submission but I'm struggling with lack of inspiration. I know I can't let this stop me. I need to alter my approach to writing, I think. I believe I have the potential...it's just a matter of guiding and shaping it.

I'm constantly torn between writing purely for the sake of writing and writing for someone else's approval. And by someone else's approval, I mean an editor, an audience, any reader other than me. Both have rewards. I have experienced the rewards of personal, journal-style writing for many years. Now I wish to reap other rewards. Rewards that come from hard work and resourcefulness. Rewards that will sustain me fianancially, not just spiritually.

The thing to do is start the next submission. Whether I'm inspired or not.

gift

I made this for my sis for her 30th birthday. I draped it in disclaimers, about how it was craft and not art, that it was amateur and I really need to get a straightedge, that I wouldn't be offended if she didn't hang it.

She loved it. She said it was her favorite present she'd ever received. I told her if she was just trying to make me feel better, I was sufficiently duped.

music meme

So what you do is put your iPod or music player on shuffle and answer the questions below with the songs in the order that they are played.

(Thanks Daru!)

How does the world see me?
Grievous Angel - Gram Parsons/Emmylou Harris

Will I have a happy life?
Thinking Amelia - Deb Talan

What do my friends really think of me?
Beautiful Freak - The Eels

Do people secretly lust after me?
Hello, It's Me - Todd Rundgren

How can I make myself happy?
If I Could Only Win Your Love - Emmylou Harris

What should I do with my life?
Jolene - Dolly Parton

Will I ever have children?
When I Was Drinking - HEM

What is some good advice for me?
Big Strong Girl - Deb Talan

How will I be remembered?
When You Looked at Me - Jenifer Jackson

What is my signature dance song?
Good Life - Richard Julian

What do I think my current theme song is?
Dreadful Selfish Crime - Robert Earl Keen

What song will play at my funeral?
Salva Nos - Medieval Babes

What type of men do I like?
A Laura Viers song that I don't know the name of, but I call it "Cheshire Grin"

What is my day going to be like?
Wayside/Back in Time - Gillian Welch

and we have a name!

my favorite mug
Originally uploaded by tessa's mom.

Birth of Venus is the name we came up with for our group. It has all the associations I wanted: feminine power, divinity, love, beauty, creation. Yay! And this name will work for us whether we're playing a jazz club or a wedding or whatever venue comes along. At rehearsal Thursday night we learned an old song called Sentimental Gentleman from Georgia. Think Andrews Sisters. Alex fronts a small jazz ensemble and we are all going to perform it at her upcoming gig. A WEEK FROM MONDAY. I'm not too nervous about the performance as much as the fact that I have nothing to wear. I need a serious ambush makeover.

rather productive week

Today we had rehearsal #2, we singing girls. We are trying to come up with a name for ourselves, as my ensemble-mates are quite enthusiastic about taking our act on the road and we can't really call ourselves Singing Girls. It was a good rehearsal. I recorded it, which was GREAT because now we can hear what we sound like. You can't really hear what you sound like while singing. Not completely. I listened to the CD all the way home and liked what I heard, in general. nothing that can't be fixed with practice, practice, practice by ourselves and then intense rehearsal together. (Sounds fun, right? It is!) Some things I was hearing I positively swooned over, and at the other end of the spectrum, my classical voice sounds like a rusty old tin can. We are working on a Monteverdi madrigal, plus a gospel song (Note to Self: practice singing and clapping at the same time. A lot.), a sweet love song by Gillian Welch and Because by the Beatles. The girls want to sing somewhere publically in April. Yikes! (That's a happy yikes. Be careful what you wish for!)

I actually got up (okay, it was accidentally) at 7am and went for a run this morning. It's so much easier to go on my own, although I have run pushing T in the stroller and it's totally do-able. It was sunny and cold this morning; really beautiful. I got a few cheers from neighborhood buddies who probably thought they needed new glasses to see the likes of me jogging around the corner! It felt good. :)

And the real highlight of the week: yesterday I submitted a piece of writing to an online magazine. I am trying to let go of any attachment to the outcome, but of course I am fantasizing about being published and what a rush that would be. I have to take to heart everything I'm sayng about how it is not necessary that I be published to be good, that my piece might be spectacular but not what they're looking for, that it might come in a close second to another piece that's completely brilliant and that's okay. Or the editor might say, uh, this is crap. And thats okay too because I'm not crap. I am just proud of myself for doing it. I added about 300 words to something I had previously written, and spent a few hours getting it just so. I had a wicked knot in my stomach as I was typing out the email, including my bio, which is so tiny you might miss it if you blink. Then I sent it. It was a high just to send it, to be perfectly honest. It's all good. I'll do it again, whatever happens here.

Tomorrow hubbie has a pretty major gig - his band is opening up for the one and only Ralph Stanley. This week has been the closest in a long time, if not ever, to what I want my life to look like. It's been a good week.

wings spreading

We had our first rehearsal Thursday night, this little threesome that has resulted from my call for singers. The two woman who have stuck it out through weeks of email coordination and informational meet-and-greets are pretty much exactly what I was looking for and more. I'm still shaking my head at the good fortune. We had prepared a few songs for rehearsal and blew through them, so we learned a few more on spot. We were all reeling over the sounds we were making. Yay chemistry! Lots of possibilities here. I'm so grateful to feel excited about singing again!

hello? (tap tap) is this thing on?

Remember me?

Never in my blogging history have I gone more than two weeks (eeek) without posting! I have been avoiding Saint Teresa. It's just that I have completely fallen off the Artist's Way wagon and I'm just not inspired to come back. I have to be honest with myself. I have to stop making myself wrong for it. I still read lots of BTAW blogs, still get totally excited at others' progress, discoveries, lists, etc., still marvel at others' discipline, stamina, attention. I just don't feel called to come back to the program. I'm here to officially tell you (really, to tell myself) that IT'S OKAY.

What's not okay, though, is the little creative rut I've fallen into. (Coincidence, ladies and gentlemen?!) You know what I want? What I really, really want? I want to WANT to write. I want to WANT to create. Instead of regarding creativity as a homework assignment, which I avoid and then feel guilty about and deem myself a FAILURE because of, I want to feel a natural inclination to write or sing or create because it's on that list of things that feels good and because it is one of the main ingredients in The Life I Want.

Why do I watch TV at night instead of reading a book? Why do I eat things that I detest? (Like Eggo Waffles. FD&C colors in a waffle, people! Terrible!) Why do I remain silent when I have something potentially controversial to say to my sweetie? Why do I keep avoiding calling the mortgage lady? Why, after saying a million times that the only thing keeping me from running was finding a running bra that fits, am I not running in the great running bra my sister gave me for Valentines Day? What is the payoff of staying stuck in all these ways?

I know, I know. I could (and should) explore these questions in the morning pages. Damnit, there's that should. Shoulds just do not motivate me.

What does motivate me? My crying baby. She calls. I'll ponder all this while I nurse.

Wow!

I had a meeting today with two of the women who responded to my call for songbirds. It was pretty amazing. First, there's the fact that I stepped outside of myself and facilitated a meeting of total strangers. This is VERY unlike me! I can get very hung-up and nervous when it comes to being with people I don't know. So this was sort of like getting ready to jump into the ocean in winter: I was bracing myself, standing on the edge saying I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't wanna but I knew I had to and knew that it would probably be really invigorating once I got past the initial discomfort. And that it was!!

On first impression, the two women could not have been more different from each other and from me. They are both younger than I, one by 10 years (I'm 33, she's 23) and the other is probably in her late 20s. It was especially apparent that there was a generation's difference between us when I remarked (in context) that Eric Clapton was hot stuff - and I meant in his youth, although I still think he's pretty yummy -and they both shuddered and said "Ew, that's like talking about my dad." Uh, hehe...right...

But as we went on talking about what we liked and what form we wanted our musical dreams to take, I got very excited. It was a whole new conversation, with different people in a different language. It was as if I'd been eating cheeseburgers three meals a day, everyday for the past five years and then suddenly, I was eating Indian food. They had never heard of music that I consider essential - stuff I knew they HAD to hear - and they were introducing me to stuff I would ordinarily overlook or dismiss. From Imogen Heap to Bobby McFerrin (wicked cool website, btw) and more. Plus, there were a few artists we solidly bonded over, like Patty Griffin and Alanis. LOVE THIS: I noticed that there was no attitude over the hip-ness (or unhip-ness) of artists; any song or genre was fair game, whether maistream or ecclectic, big name or small, classical or Bjork-ish. It was all there for considering. As it should be.

They both sing and write songs like I do, but in totally different ways. And they both play piano, which I do not, and I'm sooo used to hanging out with all guitar players. Male guitar players. Women just have a different vibe when it comes to collaborating and sharing music. It was quite refreshing.

My agenda is to stir my musical pot by doing something that doesn't look anything like what I usually do musically. (What I usually do is sit around with my guitar and wait for a song to happen. It gets pretty boring after awhile. Then it gets torturous.) I haven't really done any singing, other than singing Tessa to sleep (which -Nerd alert!- gives me a venue for the showtunes I love), since I got pregnant. Eek! That was over a year ago.

I got this news flash from the universe yesterday: I've been looking at all these art blogs, wishing I were artistic, that I could draw, that I had a cool camera, that I had the money to buy batik supplies, whatever. Feeling inadequte and inferior. Totally forgetting about the fact that I SING REALLY WELL AND I LOVE DOING IT. Sorry to shout, but this statement needs to be drilled into my fool head. Being with these women today reminded me and inspired me.

Prodigal Daughter

with giraffeOriginally uploaded by tessa's mom.

A great song by Michelle Shocked, but also a pretty accurate label for moi when it comes to the Artist's Way.

I havn't done mps for (gears grinding...grinding...) almost two weeks and I didn't have an artist date last week at all. Unless you count going to my favorite bakery and sitting in a beautiful window seat with coffee and biscotti. But you really can't count that because it was just one in a series of mini-binges I had that day trying to numb out thoughts that should have been cleared in the morning pages. I haven't even read this week's chapter. And how lame, after I declared myself the Possibility of Self-Discipline last week! Duh!

What the hell is going on with me?
February apathy.
Teething baby.
Unconfronted demons.
Not enough sleep.

I have also been freaking out over money. Lack of it, specifically. Thanks, Sam, for bringing this to my attention, from Finslippy:

"Please don’t tell me I should write a book to make money. Or rather: tell me to write a book, and thank you for having faith in my abilities, really, but understand that such an undertaking takes years, years of nonpaid work, and also no one should write a book for the money. It just doesn’t work that way."

I have been working on some creative projects, however. I have the first meeting with my vocal ensemble on Thursday; I designed a business card (that I'm actually very proud of!) for a business that I'm creating with a friend; I have been playing in Photoshop and writing poetry. (Ha!)

And, this weekend is a big deal because I am going on a date all for me! All by myself, no baby! (Yikes!) It is a three-hour workshop at a local yoga studio with Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat Pray Love. She will be reading from the book and talking about her experiences and there will be writing and sharing of writing and the whole thing is right up my alley. The book looks so incredibly juicy. It will be the first time I've been away from my bebe for that long. Leaving her is like waving goodbye to a vital organ, then scurrying back ASAP so I don't have a systems meltdown. I know it must sound ridiculous to people who don't have kids, and even to some who do, but it's just now that I feel okay about it. She's 7 months old. I feel pretty broken down from extreme mothering, so I know Saturday's date with myself is just what the doctor ordered.

Maybe I'll take a look at Week Six. Hope you will all still love me despite my blatant non-participation.

xo

tagged

A meme passed on to me by Eliza. (Pronounced meem, sources say.)

4 Wishes, Dreams, Desires
~I wish I could find a way to make money using my talents.
~Alternately, I dream of a world where money isn't so important or necessary.
~I dream of owning a home.
~I wish I could read my husband's mind.

4 Imaginary Lives
~a wacky, wise, bachelorette art teacher living in Nova Scotia
~an Olympic skier
~a chanteuse (the kind who lounges on a piano in a slinky dress and sits at the bar after hours drinking G&Ts and smoking Camels)
~an eccentric, prolific, reclusive novelist living in Ouray, CO

4 Things I Could Change
~I could eat something green every day.
~I could read to Tessa every day.
~I could get up earlier and have me time.
~I could watch less TV.

4 People I Admire
~My father, for his love and devotion, for taking responsibility
~My friend Trish, for her authenticity, for being smart, strong, sexy and entirely unpretentious
~Anne Lamott, for her honesty, empathy and humor
~Jane Siberry, for her originality and creativity and brilliance

4 Things I Like about the Artist's Way
~all y'all!
~an excuse to make lists, which I find so satisfying
~the opportunity to shine a light on my inner conversation
~the reminder that life is to be created, not endured

4 Things I Still Hope to Get Out of the Artist's Way
~disciplne around the morning pages
~the idea(s) that will bloom into my first book
~the courage to follow through and grow my little vocal ensemble
~faith in myself

art journal

See more of my art project here. You can watch a slideshow, or just go to my photostream to see the photos individually with some comments.

W5: I am the Possibility of Self-Discipline

Well hello, all you good doobies who didn't read last week! I confess, although I had a lovely, creative week, I flat out ignored the instruction not to read. That was very unlike me, I am a rule follower almost without exception. I hope everyone will bear with me and my rebellion.

I am going to seize the AW this week wih renewed vigor. See what happens. I am famous for building momentum at the beginning of a project and then walking out on it. Let's see what's possible if I dive back into this. (Aha! Possibility is this week's theme! Uh, Universe to Teri...get with the program!)

In other creative news, I have one really good catch as a result of my craigslist ad. I'm really excited about meeting with her and scared at the same time. This is tyipcal. I led a writing workshop a few years ago and the same thing came up: I was psyched and honored to be doing it but every week I would be filled with dread on the day of the meetings, afraid that I wouldn't be interesting enough, that everyone would conclude I was a fraud or look at me like who-does-she-think-she-is? Same fears here. But I'm just going to show up, be honest and sing.

You can read about my artist date here. Nothin' fancy, but so good for the soul. One thing I got out of it: the reminder that if you slow down and look at the same old scenery from a different vantage point, there is a world of beauty to be discovered.

Welcome back everyone!
xo

My Ideal Environment

The ocean is very close. The air must reek of brine and history. The seasons must change. Places I’ve felt very good: the north shore of MA, Cape Cod, the Maine coast. Even Burlington, VT would work because of Lake Champlain. Proximity to Canada is also appealing. Ithaca, NY would work. Mountains and water together are a big plus.

I live in my own house. Must haves: a yard for dog, kidlets and garden, a porch, a large kitchen and at least one large bathroom with a tub big enough for me to immerse my entire body while fully reclined, a soundproof barn for my husband’s amplified noodling, a hammock, an outdoor shower, a plush bedroom with one of these.

I would be able to walk into my ideal town from the house. In town, there would be a good bakery, good coffee, a good used bookstore and a big co-op/farmers market. I would be able to have a good meal, see a movie, rent a movie, buy something to wear, get gas and go to the bank all in the same neighborhood.

That’s about all I require. (!)

non-avoidance

Look what I did!